she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize