i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
