yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
