Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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