you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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