whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
