what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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