Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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