I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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