They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
