I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize