I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
