:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize