I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
