Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
