I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
