How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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