my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
