i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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