things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
