I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
