I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
