Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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