Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
