someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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