I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
