I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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