Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We need to get me chipped asap
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
