well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want to make out with him forever
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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