I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
