but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
