My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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