I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
worst night to have a conscience
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
