I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
