Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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