You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
