is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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