and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
