whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
