Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
