am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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