I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
