now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
