Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
