What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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