If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
