dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
