i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
