I am full of burrito and curiosity
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
