Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
