I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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