i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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