Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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