just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
