why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
