Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate all girls vehemently.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
