So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
