he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
