I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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