I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
