Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
