mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
