Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
