theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This is the prime rib incident all over again
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
