Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
