He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize