He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
