I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
