I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
