My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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