On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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